I want to feel pain.
I want to be shakey.
I want to feel dizzy.
I want to feel like a feather.
I want to float.
I want to be empty.
I want to see bones.
I want to be thin.
And I will. Tomorrow is crunch day, the day I truly start trying because to be honst, I really havnt been try hard enough.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Quick post
Just a quick post, I've gotta go to the gym. Today wasn't to bad. I only ate when I was forced to and in front of people. I had one hashbrown fir breakfast, a chocolate crossiant for lunch. I just got home and my sister made chocolate chip muffins and I had one :( but I cut up a whole onion and fryed it up. I was going to make a onion and cashew wrap. But I didn't. I chucked it out and walked out of my kitchen.
Gonna go do a kick boxing and then a yoga class at the gym. Plus I did like 3 hours of dancing today.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin
Emily.
XX
Gonna go do a kick boxing and then a yoga class at the gym. Plus I did like 3 hours of dancing today.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin
Emily.
XX
Monday, April 12, 2010
Bfhogcdrhivf
I worked all day again :) and I didn't eat any of my cafes food! This is a major first. I usually always give in a steal a muffin or something, but I didn't :) during my lunch break I went and got a 6 inch vegie delight sub from subway. I wish I hadn't, but it's only around 200 cal and I resist from getting buger king or MacDonalds so I don't feel too bad. But I dint end up going to the gym :( oh well I'll just go hard out tomorrow. Tonight my friends are coming over and I'm having a movie night/sleepover. I've told them that we are making pizzas. This is hood because I can get away with only making half a pizza and then only eating half of that. Yay.
EDIT
that is what I was meant to post last night, but my friend jaz came into my room so I had to quickly put I iPod touch down and tbh I forgot about this post.
We didn't end up making pizzas like I wanted...
We were out getting movies when one of my friends suggested that we get MacDonalds because it would be easier than going to the supermarket and getting stuff for pizzas as I was running low in food at home. Of course everyone thought it was a GREAT idea, apart from me. Then at macdonalds I had a moment of insanety. Insted if getting a hambuger, small frys and a water like I should have, I got a hambuger, medium frys and a small frozen coke! Argh I totally just stop using my brain. Fuck.
This means two hours at the gym tonight. Plus I'm doing like 4 hours of dancing today :) as long as I eat under 600 cal, I'll be sweet,
I want tomorrow to hurry up. It's pay day and it's gonna be awesome. It means I go can shopping and go to ballet this weekend :)
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
EDIT
that is what I was meant to post last night, but my friend jaz came into my room so I had to quickly put I iPod touch down and tbh I forgot about this post.
We didn't end up making pizzas like I wanted...
We were out getting movies when one of my friends suggested that we get MacDonalds because it would be easier than going to the supermarket and getting stuff for pizzas as I was running low in food at home. Of course everyone thought it was a GREAT idea, apart from me. Then at macdonalds I had a moment of insanety. Insted if getting a hambuger, small frys and a water like I should have, I got a hambuger, medium frys and a small frozen coke! Argh I totally just stop using my brain. Fuck.
This means two hours at the gym tonight. Plus I'm doing like 4 hours of dancing today :) as long as I eat under 600 cal, I'll be sweet,
I want tomorrow to hurry up. It's pay day and it's gonna be awesome. It means I go can shopping and go to ballet this weekend :)
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
I want to look like those girls in ballet movies...
Went to the gym this morning. I hadn't been in like two weeks, it felt amazing!
I watched save the last dance 2 last night... Wonderful thinspo. I love watching ballet, eveyones so thin, it's so inspiring.
Chocolate slice - 200 cal
lite pumpkin soup - around 200 cal
date scone :( :( :( - fuck loads...
Handful of dorritios - fml
5 peices of dark chocolate...
So today was a minor fail. But it could been alot worse, so i'm kinda happy.
Off to watch some more dance movies and then sleep :)
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
I watched save the last dance 2 last night... Wonderful thinspo. I love watching ballet, eveyones so thin, it's so inspiring.
Chocolate slice - 200 cal
lite pumpkin soup - around 200 cal
date scone :( :( :( - fuck loads...
Handful of dorritios - fml
5 peices of dark chocolate...
So today was a minor fail. But it could been alot worse, so i'm kinda happy.
Off to watch some more dance movies and then sleep :)
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Whoa
I have created a new record I think...
I just ate TWO onion and cashew wraps. Fml. Fasting from NOW.
I just ate TWO onion and cashew wraps. Fml. Fasting from NOW.
Operation thin.
Hello lovelys
I know i haven't blogged in way too long. I was away and then my Internet connection wasn't working. Grrrr. Plus i just wasn't in a good frame of mind to blog.
Today is day 1 of 'operation get Emily thin'. Ive got a deadline now, i have my school ball in 12 weeks, so that's plenty of time to get me looking rail thin. Today i am fasting. I'm at home for most of the day so its kinda easy not to eat. But i have work tonight and its always hard to not eat when at work. Everyone stuffs their faces on left over food and trys to make sure that everyone is eating. Its so gross. Then tomorrow i have work almost all day and night, with like a 3 hour break. But i WILL NOT eat at work tomorrow. I'm sick of failing. I'm gonna break the cycle. I don't want to be fat, lumpy and jiggly anymore. It ends now.
My friend A text me the other day and was like 'I'm fat i hate my body etc. Will you help me get thin?' i was like sure although she doesn't know the extremes that i go to to get thin. And I'm not gonna tell her everything i do either, it would freak her out. So think we are gonna have a kind of competition to see who can get the skinniest by the ball. Yay. More incentives not to quit! It should be easy as I'm already thinner than her, i know how to lose weight and i exercise wayyy more than her.
I'm on my school holidays right now and if i had my way i would be at the gym every minute of the day that I'm not at work, but my dancing teacher has banned me from all dancing and exercise for the whole week to help heal my foot. I hate being injured. Usually i wouldn't listen but seeing as we are going to really push me starting next week so that i can win nationals, i think my foot needs a break. But starting Monday, i am spending all my time at the gym and my dancing studio.
When i was away i went to Hastings (a town in NZ) for the dancing competition. It was really big and most people that will be at Nationals were there. I did alright, not as good as i hoped though because my foot just couldn't handle all the dancing. But i did get to see my ex S. It was really good to see him but his dancing teacher had told him to stay away from me because I'm a distraction. But now i kinda wish i hadn't seen him. We got together about a year ago and broke up after a moth because the long distance thing was just to hard for us. So yeah i really do still like him. Now i cant stop thinking about him and its driving me insane. But I'm not sure what he feels about me, whether he still like likes me or just likes me as a friend or doesn't even like me anymore :( I'm really bad with boys and I'm to chicken to just ask him straight up what he feels. I just wished he lived in my town. Life would be almost perfect then. But at the moment its far from it...
I weighed myself this morning....
117.9
Well it could be worse, but then again it has been better. But I'm back and I'm getting rid of it all for good this time.
Btw I saw The Last Song last night... Holly frick. I haven't cryed that much in so long. Its actually so sad. Plus miley is some a good dose of thinspo. If you haven't seen it, definitely go check it out.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
I know i haven't blogged in way too long. I was away and then my Internet connection wasn't working. Grrrr. Plus i just wasn't in a good frame of mind to blog.
Today is day 1 of 'operation get Emily thin'. Ive got a deadline now, i have my school ball in 12 weeks, so that's plenty of time to get me looking rail thin. Today i am fasting. I'm at home for most of the day so its kinda easy not to eat. But i have work tonight and its always hard to not eat when at work. Everyone stuffs their faces on left over food and trys to make sure that everyone is eating. Its so gross. Then tomorrow i have work almost all day and night, with like a 3 hour break. But i WILL NOT eat at work tomorrow. I'm sick of failing. I'm gonna break the cycle. I don't want to be fat, lumpy and jiggly anymore. It ends now.
My friend A text me the other day and was like 'I'm fat i hate my body etc. Will you help me get thin?' i was like sure although she doesn't know the extremes that i go to to get thin. And I'm not gonna tell her everything i do either, it would freak her out. So think we are gonna have a kind of competition to see who can get the skinniest by the ball. Yay. More incentives not to quit! It should be easy as I'm already thinner than her, i know how to lose weight and i exercise wayyy more than her.
I'm on my school holidays right now and if i had my way i would be at the gym every minute of the day that I'm not at work, but my dancing teacher has banned me from all dancing and exercise for the whole week to help heal my foot. I hate being injured. Usually i wouldn't listen but seeing as we are going to really push me starting next week so that i can win nationals, i think my foot needs a break. But starting Monday, i am spending all my time at the gym and my dancing studio.
When i was away i went to Hastings (a town in NZ) for the dancing competition. It was really big and most people that will be at Nationals were there. I did alright, not as good as i hoped though because my foot just couldn't handle all the dancing. But i did get to see my ex S. It was really good to see him but his dancing teacher had told him to stay away from me because I'm a distraction. But now i kinda wish i hadn't seen him. We got together about a year ago and broke up after a moth because the long distance thing was just to hard for us. So yeah i really do still like him. Now i cant stop thinking about him and its driving me insane. But I'm not sure what he feels about me, whether he still like likes me or just likes me as a friend or doesn't even like me anymore :( I'm really bad with boys and I'm to chicken to just ask him straight up what he feels. I just wished he lived in my town. Life would be almost perfect then. But at the moment its far from it...
I weighed myself this morning....
117.9
Well it could be worse, but then again it has been better. But I'm back and I'm getting rid of it all for good this time.
Btw I saw The Last Song last night... Holly frick. I haven't cryed that much in so long. Its actually so sad. Plus miley is some a good dose of thinspo. If you haven't seen it, definitely go check it out.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Easter does not exist in my mind.
I getting back.
But ever so slowly.
But I'm on my way.
I needed a break from here. To clear my head.
But I'm back.
But I'm going away for four days and I don't think I will have Internet acess. Lame. I am on Easter break now though. No school for two weeks. Thank friggen god.
I have a MAJOR dancing competition. But I have insanely sprained my foot and big toe. I am going to die from the pain. But a dancers gotta do what a dancers gotta do. Including starving herself.
Love you all.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
But ever so slowly.
But I'm on my way.
I needed a break from here. To clear my head.
But I'm back.
But I'm going away for four days and I don't think I will have Internet acess. Lame. I am on Easter break now though. No school for two weeks. Thank friggen god.
I have a MAJOR dancing competition. But I have insanely sprained my foot and big toe. I am going to die from the pain. But a dancers gotta do what a dancers gotta do. Including starving herself.
Love you all.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
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