.....

I'm really sad to say that one of my favourite bloggers has left and I feel really bad that I didn't even realise. Paige, I hope you continue to be the strong and amazing person you are.

I fucken hate periods. I broke my fast with MacDonalds. Eww so gross. I don't even want to tell you how many caliories it was. After I finished I felt so sick. I can't belived i failed again. Looking back on my old posts it looks like all I ever do at the momoent us fail. But tomorrow is new. I need to be thin. I hate myself right now. So so so much. It kills me to look at myself.

"Today was a failure, but whose to say tomorrow may not be the best day of my life? I just need to pick myself up and get going"

arghhhhh insanely bad cramps. I'm just craving food, but NO WAY!!! It won't happen.

Night all. Dream of thin.

X

Parents are to blame.

My parents made me eat half a bowl of pasta for dinner. I can usually get away with not eating but not tonight. Oh well I only ate half. Gonna fast tomorrow. Tbh I'm feeling like a fat tub of lard right now. Once again I did no school work or learning my dancing theory. I just sat down, watched a movie and thought about how I hate my love handles. Tomorrow will be more productive. I won't eat :)

Minor sucess though, after school at school show rehersal I didn't eat any of the food they gave us and I had a hard core dancing lesson!

XX

quickly...

Didnt end up going to Pilaties this morning :( I was so insanely tired, but now i just feel real yuck.

So far today ive eaten:
1/2 a muffin
one brownie
One sandwich with colsaw in it.

Thats enough for today. Fasting from now until this time tomorrow cause i know i will be forced to eat dinner. Im ment to be in class right now but im bunking. Woah badass. Fuck it. I just dont care anymore.

Dancing lesson tonight and then gym tomorrow morning. Will weigh myself at the gym.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.

Emily.
XX

Frickkkkk.

So i just checked my bank accounts...
Turns out I've spent over $250 on food in the last month. I nearly cryed. I need to save that money!!!! No wonder I'm fat.

Also i didn't completely fast today...
I ate a caramel slice and some mango at work. I'm blaming it on my period and the fact that work was extremely busy and that i haven't even tryed to fast in so long. So I'm kinda happy.

Not sure what tomorrow will bring. I'm doing Pilate's tomorrow morning and then a dancing lesson at night.

School was insanely lame today. I only had three classes but all i wanted to do was go to the gym and just run.

So So So hoping Ive lost even .1 pound by the time i weigh myself tomorrow morning.
Ive put on 10 pounds since school has gone back.

Fml.

Welcome to another day in paradise.

As soon as I'm down to 105 I'm going on a massive shopping spree. It better come soon. I need some clothes. Urgently. My love handles are back :( this always means I've put in weight, alot of weight... Damn. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning. I am teriffied. I don't want it to be over 120, but it most probley will be. Fuck i hate my life. I actully can't wait till I finish school in 6 months. I'm so over it already. LET ME BE FREE!!!! I need to escape. I need to get out. I want to go travelling, go wild and just be on my own. 7 months till I'm 18, till new years, till NEW YORK! Fuck yes. I need a change.

Mothers day on Sunday although my mum is being a total bitch to me at the moment. Whatevs. I'm taking her out for breakfast on Saturday and then to get a mani pedi or something along those lines. I told her today that she has to keep Saturday morning free and she didn't seem to happy. I told her I'm giving her a mum morning. She was like "why?". Fine then I won't do anything for you. I won't eat for you. I'm taking her out for breakfast for fucks sake. I'm going to actully have to eat. I'm going to eat scrambled eggs with an orange juice. That's all for that day.

Great. Stupid cramps. Stupid period. Today is going to be great. I'm not going to eat.

EDIT:
so I just weighed myself.
56kg - 123.4 pounds!!!!
Holy fuck. No way can I eat today. I have class photos at school today as well! Fml. Now everyones gonna remember me as the frumpy fat chick. Fuck.

Spin spin

I was doing so well untill I got home. My mum made me eat soup and bread. After that, it all went down hill. Fuck. Tomorrow I need to starve, I need to feel pain. I will fast.

My life is all spining spining. I need it to stop, so I can stop the food.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.

Emily.
XX

Control is all I want.

I fucked up. Big time. As in a week long binge. I couldn't stop eating. My life was spinning out of control. I figured out that when I eat I lose control of everything, but when I starve, I am pure and in control and everything is mine.

Liquids only (water, diet coke, one protein shake, one fruit smoothie) for two days. Then just restrict for fours days untill Monday, which is when I will start doing the skinny girl diet again.

I want my control back. I want to be thin.