I went to the supermarket. I picked up frozen yought, can of wiped cream, nuts and two protein bars. I walked around thinking about it for about half an hour. Put it all back. Went and got a diet coke and food for my dancing comp so I won't binge on food that is sold there.
That is a sucess to me.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I can do that
I planned to fast.
Again fail.
Chocolate browine - 300
fried rice - around 150
chocolate - 180
fml.
My parents are going away tomorrow for three nights.
Should I fast? I really want to. You know what I think I will. There won't be anyone here to tell me what to eat! Hell yes! Ok that's a plan. A good plan. Then Friday night me and my friends are going out for dinner then to a party. I'm thinking we might go get sushi or if not I will stay under 300 cal. Saturday I have a dancing comp so I have to eat :( then that night I'm having drinks so that's a major cal intake. Sunday I won't ear anything until dinner. This is a great plan!
I will stay strong this time. I'm sick of being fat. I look at food and I hate it so much. It just seems gross. Fat is gross. I want to starve myself like I did at the start of the year. It worked so well.
Life is just wayyyy to syressful atm which makes me want to eat. I have school show practice, orginazing stage challenge, school work, dancing and work. And to make it worse, I just list my planner. I actully can't live without it. I have no idea what classes I have tomorrow. Fuckkk.
Night my loves.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Again fail.
Chocolate browine - 300
fried rice - around 150
chocolate - 180
fml.
My parents are going away tomorrow for three nights.
Should I fast? I really want to. You know what I think I will. There won't be anyone here to tell me what to eat! Hell yes! Ok that's a plan. A good plan. Then Friday night me and my friends are going out for dinner then to a party. I'm thinking we might go get sushi or if not I will stay under 300 cal. Saturday I have a dancing comp so I have to eat :( then that night I'm having drinks so that's a major cal intake. Sunday I won't ear anything until dinner. This is a great plan!
I will stay strong this time. I'm sick of being fat. I look at food and I hate it so much. It just seems gross. Fat is gross. I want to starve myself like I did at the start of the year. It worked so well.
Life is just wayyyy to syressful atm which makes me want to eat. I have school show practice, orginazing stage challenge, school work, dancing and work. And to make it worse, I just list my planner. I actully can't live without it. I have no idea what classes I have tomorrow. Fuckkk.
Night my loves.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Monday, March 22, 2010
Your're too good to belive
I think i am going to cry.
I wiegh: 119!!!!!!
My bmi is: 19.8!!!!!
Thats like exactly what it was when i started this blog.
For fucks suck, i am a fat pile of lard.
I should have fasted today.....
fuck.
I decied that i was feeling thin enough to eat, but i was so wrong.
Intake today
Two small muffins- around 200
two rice crakers with tomato - around 100
And im stopping there. Right now it is 1.23pm NZ time. I will not eat again until 5.30pm tomorrow. I cant belive i would myself do this again. But this time it is coming off and staying off.
A photo of me about a month ago that my sis took for my design assignment. I tryed to upload more but blogger is being stupid.
I wiegh: 119!!!!!!
My bmi is: 19.8!!!!!
Thats like exactly what it was when i started this blog.
For fucks suck, i am a fat pile of lard.
I should have fasted today.....
fuck.
I decied that i was feeling thin enough to eat, but i was so wrong.
Intake today
Two small muffins- around 200
two rice crakers with tomato - around 100
And im stopping there. Right now it is 1.23pm NZ time. I will not eat again until 5.30pm tomorrow. I cant belive i would myself do this again. But this time it is coming off and staying off.
A photo of me about a month ago that my sis took for my design assignment. I tryed to upload more but blogger is being stupid.
I was gonna do a massive blog but now i'm so mad at myself that i cant think of anything else to write.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Only the thin will be happy
Food intake today:
rasberry white chocolate muffin - 250
half a starbucks choc frappa -? Don't even want to know!
Yought - 185
rice waffers with tomato - 100
not to bad. Still I didn't need the starbucks. Anyway tomorrow I WILL fast. Gota lose this weight. It just won't come off. Grrrrrrr. I'm so frigen stressed right now to make things worse. Two weeks till break :)
I did an hour at the gym and a hour and a half dancing lesson today. That's burnt atleast 600 cal.
Sorry this is such a bad post. I only have two classes tomorrow so I have pleanty of time to write!
Girls, thank you so much for your comments. It really helps me get through.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
rasberry white chocolate muffin - 250
half a starbucks choc frappa -? Don't even want to know!
Yought - 185
rice waffers with tomato - 100
not to bad. Still I didn't need the starbucks. Anyway tomorrow I WILL fast. Gota lose this weight. It just won't come off. Grrrrrrr. I'm so frigen stressed right now to make things worse. Two weeks till break :)
I did an hour at the gym and a hour and a half dancing lesson today. That's burnt atleast 600 cal.
Sorry this is such a bad post. I only have two classes tomorrow so I have pleanty of time to write!
Girls, thank you so much for your comments. It really helps me get through.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Saturday, March 20, 2010
This has been an absoultly shitty week.
I am unworthy of this blog.
I am unworthy of all you fabulous skiiny girls.
I just don't understand how I keep failing so bad.
I want to go and die tonight. I would rather die than be fat.
Tomorrow will be water, diet Coke and rice waffers only. I actully can't let myself down one more time.
I am unworthy of all you fabulous skiiny girls.
I just don't understand how I keep failing so bad.
I want to go and die tonight. I would rather die than be fat.
Tomorrow will be water, diet Coke and rice waffers only. I actully can't let myself down one more time.
Friday, March 19, 2010
TGIF
This has been such a bad week. TGIF. I only got 3 hours sleep last night. I didn't each much until i had nachos and ice cream..... Fuckkkkkk.
But I'm going to have a little competition with myself. If at this time on the 2nd of April, I have lost atleast 10 pounds then I will get myself a mani pedi. But if I havnt lost more than 8 pounds then I must do a three day fast, no ifs or buts. I know this will work cause I hate losing with a passion.
Write mote later.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
But I'm going to have a little competition with myself. If at this time on the 2nd of April, I have lost atleast 10 pounds then I will get myself a mani pedi. But if I havnt lost more than 8 pounds then I must do a three day fast, no ifs or buts. I know this will work cause I hate losing with a passion.
Write mote later.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Freak freak gotta get thin
I should be doing my drama journal work which is due in 10 hours and in that time I have to sleep, shower and go to two classes. But I want to blog.
Intake for today:
1 rasberry muffin
1 tomato
2 rice cakes
pear
chocolate.
Under 600 cal. Getting better. I remember when I used to do under 300 everyday. It was so easy....
But I must from now on! I'm no longer modling for my friends show as her boss wants more mature looking people, like over 25. Whatevs. But I do highland dancing and in two weeks I have a really big compition and I just found out my ex will be there. I want to see him so badly, but at the same time I don't. We live 6 hours away so I broke it off cause I hated the long distance. I've just been reading through the emails we sent each other and it makes me so happy, even though it was a year ago. It's proof someone did actully want and love me once. I'm a firery ball of emotion at the moment. I can't seem to write down what I'm feeling.
But I do know this, I must be thinner. No if's or but's. I will look amazing. I don't want to be like ew WTF was I thinking! I want him to be like I miss her so much, she looks amazing etc. God I'm starting to freak out. Okay moving on before I explode...
My life is insanely busy. I don't have a social life anymore or any free time with school work, work, school show practice, dance training and stage challenge. I had several minor breakdowns today. I need a fricken holiday. That's why I'm writtingthis at 1am when I'm ment to be doing my homework. But I can't be bothered with it anymore. I cannot wait till I finish school. 8 months to go. Some of my teachers a physcos. Today my history teacher locked me out of class because I was 2 minutes late! I stood there for like 5 minutes until I thought, fuck this I hate history anyway I'm going. So I hoped in my car and drove down to the beach and then to go get food, but I didn't get any! Insted I brought gum and diet coke. Love it. So tempted to go to KFC though. But I didn't :)
I'm so tired, almost falling asleep. But I'm still going to up for another 3 hours atleast. This is what happens when I leave 7 weeks of work to the last night. As usual. No gym for me tomorrow, I would fall off the treadmill. I've already done it twice (almost).
Thank you all so much for your comments! I love reading your support. Sorry I'm not replying or commenting on your blogs. I fully just have no time today.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
Intake for today:
1 rasberry muffin
1 tomato
2 rice cakes
pear
chocolate.
Under 600 cal. Getting better. I remember when I used to do under 300 everyday. It was so easy....
But I must from now on! I'm no longer modling for my friends show as her boss wants more mature looking people, like over 25. Whatevs. But I do highland dancing and in two weeks I have a really big compition and I just found out my ex will be there. I want to see him so badly, but at the same time I don't. We live 6 hours away so I broke it off cause I hated the long distance. I've just been reading through the emails we sent each other and it makes me so happy, even though it was a year ago. It's proof someone did actully want and love me once. I'm a firery ball of emotion at the moment. I can't seem to write down what I'm feeling.
But I do know this, I must be thinner. No if's or but's. I will look amazing. I don't want to be like ew WTF was I thinking! I want him to be like I miss her so much, she looks amazing etc. God I'm starting to freak out. Okay moving on before I explode...
My life is insanely busy. I don't have a social life anymore or any free time with school work, work, school show practice, dance training and stage challenge. I had several minor breakdowns today. I need a fricken holiday. That's why I'm writtingthis at 1am when I'm ment to be doing my homework. But I can't be bothered with it anymore. I cannot wait till I finish school. 8 months to go. Some of my teachers a physcos. Today my history teacher locked me out of class because I was 2 minutes late! I stood there for like 5 minutes until I thought, fuck this I hate history anyway I'm going. So I hoped in my car and drove down to the beach and then to go get food, but I didn't get any! Insted I brought gum and diet coke. Love it. So tempted to go to KFC though. But I didn't :)
I'm so tired, almost falling asleep. But I'm still going to up for another 3 hours atleast. This is what happens when I leave 7 weeks of work to the last night. As usual. No gym for me tomorrow, I would fall off the treadmill. I've already done it twice (almost).
Thank you all so much for your comments! I love reading your support. Sorry I'm not replying or commenting on your blogs. I fully just have no time today.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.
Emily.
XX
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