Flames are burning around me

My life feels like it's falling down around me.
My contract at my current job ends next week. I still don't have a new job secured. I might have a new jib lined up, but then again maybe not.
I've fucked my ankle, so I'm the most injured I've been all year. I was meant to dance in two performances this weekend but now I can't. I've got to have 7 days complete rest. Which means no exercise at all for seven days. Which means an increase in my appetite. Fuck me now.
I have no money at all. Im meant to be going away for a dancing trip in 3 weeks. I have no idea how I'm going to afford it. I'm going to the USA in December for a month and I have no money for accomidation or food or spending money. Fuck me again.

I'm going to stop eating now. Jokes. But actually 600 cal max. It still feels like too much. I'm just way to fat to even be allowed to eat.

If I'm busy, I don't even get hungry. The problem is at work, my job is do boring. All I think about is my fat and what meals I should eat.

I will not weight myself until the end of October. That way there will be extra pressure on myself to weigh as little as possible.

Hope all is well with you all. Gonna catch up on all your blogs tonight!

Emily
xx

Mirror says fat.

I am not eating anymore.

I've just been putting so much crap junky stuff in my body the past week, I feel like a whale.

I don't think I've actually put on any weight. I refuse to weigh myself. I'm going by what the mirror says amd the mirror says I'm fat. Maybe my thoughts are just getting more twisted. Idk.

Burned 300 cal this morning, but I think I ate around 1000. Fuckety fuck.
I couldn't work our tonight because I had work. I worked 14 hours today. Plus I've killed ny right eye. My contact did something werid and made my eye go all inflamed and sore and i wanted to claw my eye out. Not fun. Then I watched the glee project and it was the episode where Cameron goes home and I got all emotional and started crying and now my eye hurts like a mother fucker.

Massive workouts planned for tomorrow, with no actual meals :)

I want to starve.

Mehhhh

I feel fat.
Hence the lack of posts.
Ive been super busy and just feeling like shit.

I'll update again tonight or tomorrow. Or whenever I feel like it.

Sick of being freaken sick

Bllleeeegggghhhhhhhhh.
I'm sick again.
Nearly fainted/collapsed/vomited at dance yesterday. The room was spinning and I couldn't even stand up straight.

Then I had a dinner party for my friends 20th birthday last night.
I ate wayy too much and I couldn't purge and I can't even exercise.
I feel like I'm about to die if I even do as much as jump.

So I plan on reading all day. Just finished one book called 'thirteen reasons why' by Jay Asher. It blew my mind. It's about a girl who committed suicide and recorded all these tapes when she was alive explaining why she was going to take her life.

It's fathers day so I had to make breakfast for my dad. I made pancakes and had 2 (300cals). I didn't even really realize I was eating them till after I had finished. Fuck.

The fact that I can't exercise today is driving me crazy. I need to do something so bad.

I'm tired. Time for another sleep.....

Ciao

Note to self: Dont drink and blog.

Oh my lord.
Last night was interesting.
I got WASTED on a bottle of wine, one vodka lemon and lime and half a purple rain cocktail.
Then I spent half the night making out with this guy who I kinda knew. And he was a damn good kisser ;)

But then he ran off after some international chick....
So I went on a drunken search for my two bff's. Found one (she was super drunk) hanging out with a random. So I stole half his drink hehe. Then later I found my other bff and her boyfriend and they were having a massive fight. She was crying her eyes out and I don't blame her. Her boyfriend is such a dick. So went went to get food *cringe* Kebab's to be exact. I swear I either spent $20 on food or I gave a massive tip. Whatevs. But then I got hot chips as well, which I don't remember ordering.... But at least it sobered me up a bit. I got home like 3.30am

Got up 7 to go to work. And I was still drunk. I think the hangover is starting to kick in now but it should be too bad because Ive eaten and kept hydrated.
Food today has been terrible. I went to McDonald's for breakfast. Fuck. I feel so ashamed.
I got hot cakes and then 2 hash browns. After that I had 2 trim hot chocolates and and orange juice. For lunch I got a kebab but I ate like 4 bites because I wasn't even hungry and it had hummus in it and I hate hummus. It's so gross.

So I'm currently drinking a diet coke because my stomach is all grumbly :(
Fasting tomorrow to try and reverse the damage I did last night and this morning.

Blegh I'm currently dying. I need sleep asap.

Emily.
xx

Haha bitches I'm drunk.

I am not held account able for the amount of calories I have tonight.

Fick one one of my sober friends jus saw this

Haha fml.

I'm rather drunk haha.
Hope you girls are having are wonderful day no matter what the the time zone.

116.8

Hell Yesss!!!

116.8.
Finally some movement in my weight!
Even after eating a little bit last night. I had 3 crackers with tiny slices of light cheese.
I was not going to eat anything but I got home after an insanely hard dance class and I felt like I was going to faint. I still hadn't done my night exercises so I needed to have a tiny bit of energy to do that.

I was going to try to fast again today but I am going out clubbing tonight so I know I need a little bit of something in my body otherwise I'm going to get wicked wasted and that's always when I binge :(
Tomorrow might be interesting.... I generally eat a fair amount the day after I go drinking, even though it's never more than 1000cal it's still a freaken lot.
So for lunch I have rice with spicy veggies. And only a small container worth so it won't be much.

No gym this morning :( I went to bed rather late and I need my sleep if I'm going out tonight.

Hope you all have a wonderful day! I know I will.

Emily
xx