About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Flames are burning around me

My life feels like it's falling down around me.
My contract at my current job ends next week. I still don't have a new job secured. I might have a new jib lined up, but then again maybe not.
I've fucked my ankle, so I'm the most injured I've been all year. I was meant to dance in two performances this weekend but now I can't. I've got to have 7 days complete rest. Which means no exercise at all for seven days. Which means an increase in my appetite. Fuck me now.
I have no money at all. Im meant to be going away for a dancing trip in 3 weeks. I have no idea how I'm going to afford it. I'm going to the USA in December for a month and I have no money for accomidation or food or spending money. Fuck me again.

I'm going to stop eating now. Jokes. But actually 600 cal max. It still feels like too much. I'm just way to fat to even be allowed to eat.

If I'm busy, I don't even get hungry. The problem is at work, my job is do boring. All I think about is my fat and what meals I should eat.

I will not weight myself until the end of October. That way there will be extra pressure on myself to weigh as little as possible.

Hope all is well with you all. Gonna catch up on all your blogs tonight!


Monday, September 19, 2011

Mirror says fat.

I am not eating anymore.

I've just been putting so much crap junky stuff in my body the past week, I feel like a whale.

I don't think I've actually put on any weight. I refuse to weigh myself. I'm going by what the mirror says amd the mirror says I'm fat. Maybe my thoughts are just getting more twisted. Idk.

Burned 300 cal this morning, but I think I ate around 1000. Fuckety fuck.
I couldn't work our tonight because I had work. I worked 14 hours today. Plus I've killed ny right eye. My contact did something werid and made my eye go all inflamed and sore and i wanted to claw my eye out. Not fun. Then I watched the glee project and it was the episode where Cameron goes home and I got all emotional and started crying and now my eye hurts like a mother fucker.

Massive workouts planned for tomorrow, with no actual meals :)

I want to starve.

Sunday, September 11, 2011


I feel fat.
Hence the lack of posts.
Ive been super busy and just feeling like shit.

I'll update again tonight or tomorrow. Or whenever I feel like it.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Sick of being freaken sick

I'm sick again.
Nearly fainted/collapsed/vomited at dance yesterday. The room was spinning and I couldn't even stand up straight.

Then I had a dinner party for my friends 20th birthday last night.
I ate wayy too much and I couldn't purge and I can't even exercise.
I feel like I'm about to die if I even do as much as jump.

So I plan on reading all day. Just finished one book called 'thirteen reasons why' by Jay Asher. It blew my mind. It's about a girl who committed suicide and recorded all these tapes when she was alive explaining why she was going to take her life.

It's fathers day so I had to make breakfast for my dad. I made pancakes and had 2 (300cals). I didn't even really realize I was eating them till after I had finished. Fuck.

The fact that I can't exercise today is driving me crazy. I need to do something so bad.

I'm tired. Time for another sleep.....