About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Almost forgot

Ten reasons why I want to be thin:

1. I will look AMAZING

2. People will want to look like me

3. I will be a better dancer

4. People will be able to pick me up easyier

5. Better for my body

6. I will be able to wear super skinny jeans!

7. Everything looks good on thin. Nothing looks good on fat.

8. I will feel AMAZING!

9. I will save money on no buying food

10. I will be happy

Goodbye 2009

My last post of 2009...........

Omg this has gone by do fast. This time last year I had put on so much weight. Then in September I got down to 108 and now I'm at 117. Argh scary!!!! But by the end of januray I will be down to 110 at the most.

Tomorrow I'm going away with my family on holiday and I won't be able to blog, read blogs, look at thinspo on the web, read tips on the web or look up diet tips until the 4th. So I've saved lots of thinspo photos to my iPod touch and written some notes with quotes, tips, ticks and inspiration. I hope it's enough. But I'm going to be with all my family and extends family and everyone is overweight! It's going to be so hard to say no when I am sure they will be offering me carbs and fat the whole time.

'everytime you say 'no thanks' to food, you say 'yes please' to thin'

So my plan for if I am hungry is to drink water, look at my thinspo, read my inspiration and then decied if I really need food or not.

I wanted to weigh myself today but I was to scared as I kinda ate wayyy too much this last week. Actully the last three days including today have been alright, but it still feels like to much.
Today I ate
1 protein bar - 180 cal
8 small peices cucumber sushi - ?????
2 peices coconut ice- ?????
4 small chocolates!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I get back from my trip I will weigh 117 or less. Then the real weight loss can begin! It's just these last two or so weeks have been really bad. Atleast now I'm smarter and have a few tricks under my hat!

Next year I will post a photo of my fat self (which will motivate me to not eat while away!) and I will post my new years resolution and my plans for 2010.

Just quickely, does anyone have any thoughts on the ABC diet? I'm keen to try it if it works.

Live up the last few days of 2009 whilst you can. Hope you all have a fabulous start of 2010!

Stay strong.

'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Keep holding on

I just had my birthday dinner......

Oh god. I feel so fat. Went to a Indian restaurant and I ate all the food on my plate. Then back at mine I had twoslices if chocolate cake and two vodka cruisers. It's not even that much, but I feel obese. But it's not like I ate much today. I had five small chocolates. My gym is closed tomorrow. I think I might cry. So insted I'm gonna do skipping, sit ups, lunges, squats, a whole lira running ect. Plus I won't eat anything. I promise you. It will be hard as the last few times I have tryed to fast it's been a mega failure. But I feel in need to do it before I go on holiday. God just thinking about my holiday makes me want to cry! I'm going to be with my whole family and all of them are over weight. They will force atleast three big meals a day down my throat. I don't know how I'm going to stay strong. I'm thinking about just loading a whole lot of thinspo onto my iPod and looking at it before meals. When I come back, 3rd of Januray, I will weigh 115. I will I will I will.

Christmas day wasn't too bad. Ok so I defently ate more than u hoped but it's not like I binged. The day after was kinda bad I had mcdonalds and nachos. But it's a new year siin which means new lifestyle, new me.

So I just took a photo of my self in my underware and I look horrible. I will post it tomorrow to give me extra reason to be thin. It's all I want. Being thin would make my life just so much better and I know I will look so much better.

New Years resolutions????
I'm trying to think of mine. I'll post them before I go away. Most likely it will have something to do with being thin. But I trying to narrow it down.

Being thin is what I want. It's what I work for. It's what I want more than anyting in this world. One day soon I will be thin.

Stay Strong.


Thursday, December 24, 2009

The jolly season

Jolly season?

Yeah jolly fucken fat season.
I swear I look like a fat pig right now. I've eaten so much today, I'm not even going to tell you how much. The amount of calories I've had....... Argh just thinking about it makes me want to purge. If only it was that easy......

So tomorrows Christmas day. It's going to be horrible. The amount of food I will be forced to eat! I think I might cry just thinking about it. I swear if my family buys me any candy or chocolate I will have a fit. God I know they are going to try and make me just like them - unfit, fat and over weight. It makes me sick.

Anyway boxing day = eating less than 200 cal.
27th = it's my birthday dinner so I won't eat anything apart from dinner
the rest of December? Well no fasting. Drinking water, coke zero and apple cider vinegar only. Eating as less carbs and cal's as possible - trying to stay under 200 a day. Plus gym and exercises at home.

I want to weight myself but I'm to scared. But I will on the morning of the 30th, before I go away. I hope the scales are kind. Hoping to be at 117 pounds or less!

I just watched the Victorias secerat 2009 show. Omg only the most amazing thinspo ever. Fuck I wish I looked like them. I would kill to look like them.

Anyway merry Christmas all! Hope you all have a wonderful day! But remember what we are all aiming for. Never forget.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Stay strong.


Monday, December 21, 2009

The city - Thinspo

When i feel like eating, i just watch the city.
Just looking at Olivia and Whitney makes me want to purge and go to the gym.
They are frigen skinny. Its amazing.

I want to be just like Olivia. Not even kidding.
Wish i was that thin :( One day i will.
Positive thinking people!

So i was gonna fast for two days but i might just leave it at one and then eat 100 cal or less tomorrow and the day after and then it's Christmas!!!! But i am definitely fasting on boxing day and then i have my birthday dinner on the 27th and that will be all i eat that day. I will weight myself on christmas eve.

Food intake today: NONE

Drink intake: Water (0 cal), Coke zero (1.1 cal)

Exercise: 1 and a half hour dancing lesson, 1 hour at the gym.

Stay strong.


Work out Work out

I failed my fast.
Not even gonna tell you how badly.
But tomorrow i will start again.
I promise you.
For two days i will not eat anything.
I swear on my life.

At work tonight a girl (lets call her jane) who has the most amazing body told me how she works out. So tonight im gonna do janes exercise routine.

Shall tell you more about it tomorrow.

Stay Strong.


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Just Quickly

My plan of fasting for Monday and Tuesday didn't work. I had a falafel wrap yesterday because i had a really heavy period and was feeling like crap. So I'm fasting today and tomorrow (Tuesday and Wednesday) instead.

But even though i was meant to be fasting i only had a falafel wrap. Yay for control. But i didn't end up having time to go to the gym. But that's alright cause I'll go today.

I want to weigh myself but I'm scared. Ill just do it Christmas eve.

Stay Strong.


Saturday, December 19, 2009

New plan

I just got home from work.

God I feel so guilty
and fat.
It could have been so much worse.
I ate a slice of chocolate cake, two merange towers and some fruit salad.
I wasn't going to eat anything tonight. Grrrr.

So my new plan is fast for Sunday and monday. Tuesday and wedensday I will have a falafel wrap only. Thursday fast. Friday ( Christmas! ) I will eat, although hopefully not much. Plus gym everyday until Christmas. On Christmas eve I will weigh myself. Come Christmas day I will be looking amazing!!!!

Any tips on not eating during Christmas period? It's so damn hard.

Stay strong.


Friday, December 18, 2009

How long before i crash?

Its good at the moment. Everything is good. But how long can it last?
How long until i give in and binge till i cant even breathe? How long until i give up on exercising? How much longer can i last?

I thought that yesterday would have have a massive fail. But it wasn't.
Current weight: 117! Ive lost 4 pounds!
I thought i would have put on weight as the day before yesterday was kinda bad and yesterday i ate like 10 Christmas chocolates, 3 cookies and half a packet of large chips. But i did exercise a bit yesterday. I went to the gym for an hour and then walked home from work which was a 40 minute power walk. I feel so happy, so in control. But i still look fat :( I have a long way to go.

Today all I've had so far is a coffee (with 2 sugars). I'm going to go to the gym soon for an hour and then i have work tonight. I will eat something before i go to work otherwise i might die as its a massive dinner for 200 and it's an 11 hour shift (4pm - 3am) which just kills me normally.

The thing i hate most about this is not having anyone to talk to. I tryed to talk to my friend last night cause shes always going on about how fat she is and how she wants to lose weight so badly. But she just laughed at me and called me crazy when i told her that there was over 200 cal in a small bottle of sprite. Some friend she is. But i know i have my blog. Even though no one may read it, i know that it wont laugh at me and i can speak my mind. It helps me everytime i think about binging. I think 'grrr if i eat this im going to have to blog about it'. It works so well.

Sorry im kinda in a emotional mood.

Stay strong.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Back in the game!

I'm just so excited i had to blog about it.

I just went to my kitchen to totally binge but i had a handful of cashew nuts and 4 corn chips then i stopped! Yay for control!

Stay Strong.



Yesterday may just be the biggest fail of my life.

I ate:
1 slice egg pie
2 small chocolates
2 doughnuts
8 small pieces of sushi
half a bag of chips

I drank:
1 coke zero
1 Diet coke
Miso soup
4 vodka cruisers
apple cider vinegar.

:( Do i have no control? FML.

Oh well I'm starting new today. I was going to do a 24 hour fast but when i got up i was feeling sick from the drinks last night and i had to eat something. I didn't want to but i had 45 minutes to kill before my hair appointment and i was feeling like if i didn't eat i would cry/faint/throw up.
So i went to a little cafe and had a fruit smoothie and scrambled eggs on toast, but i only ate half of it. I'm feeling much better now. No more food for the rest of the day. Just water.

I'm going to the gym soon which should hopefully burn off some fat and i have work tonight which will keep my mind off food. Tomorrow morning i have a dance lesson so ill have a piece of fruit or something low carb before that. Then no food for the rest of the day.

I will weight myself on sunday night and hopefully it will be good.

Stay Strong.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

In control

In control. That's what i am! I did my 24 hour fast and didn't eat at all and i didn't binge afterwards. It makes me feel so excited thinking about it. After my fast i had 2 slices of egg pie (its just eggs, water, salt and pepper, chili flakes and pastry) so it shouldn't contain many calories.

This morning i had another slice for breakfast. Then i went to the gym for an hour. But today I'm feeling really weak and tired. I had a few little dizzy spells at the gym but i keep going. After i brought a can of coke zero (1 cal) to give me some energy and not make me feel so weak.

I don't think I'll eat anything else today as tonight i have my friends drinks and i just want to get wasted. But i don't want to worry about how much sugar my drinks will contain. Or maybe i just get so wasted that i vomit everything up..... but i have to be up at 8.30 tomorrow morning so maybe not. I might just fast tomorrow instead but i do have my ballet class tonight which should burn off a few calories. But before ballet I'm going shopping for my friends birthday present (its her drinks tonight). I'm getting her some jewelery and a box of dunken doughnuts. Its going to be so hard not to get a doughnut. I love them so much :( But even if i don't get a doughnut then i will be in the city which is full of fatty and carb filled foods. Argh.

But i will try. Maybe i might get a doughnut and then fast tomorrow.... Maybe.

Day 3

Weight: 54.9 kg (121)

Exercise: 1 hour at the gym, 1 hour ballet class

Food intake: 1 slice of egg pie, can of coke zero, 1 dunken doughnut?, 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, 4 vodka cruisers

OMG thats alot. defently fasting tomorrow.

Stay Strong.


Monday, December 14, 2009

Yeah i know this is my second blog today but I'm doing everything i can to keep my mind off food.

I just got an invite to my friends BBQ tonight and I'm gonna go. It should be easy not to eat as I'm a vegetarian and a huge picky eater so there shouldn't be much food i would eat any way. I'm gonna take a coke zero and drink that instead.

Tonight i will ask my mum to make me an egg pie! Mmmmmmmm its my favourite. I will eat a slice when i get home as a reward of my fast. It shouldn't contain many calories.

My kitchen is filled with food at the moment and I'm doing everything i can to stay out of there. Its so tempting but I'm gonna stay strong. I can do this.

So far today I've had a coffee, sf red bull and 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar.
Apple cider vinegar is ment to curb your appetite, speed up your metabolism and burn calories.

I think i might go have a sleep or read and then gym and then to the BBQ. Anything to keep me away from food. Everytime i go out and want to eat i dont think about losing weight, i just think about how much money im saving. It tends to work well.

Im looking for a ana buddy. Email me at pingem@hotmail.com if you want to.

Stay strong.


New day..

So last night i failed...

I came home from dancing and was craving scrambled eggs. So i caved in and had scrambled eggs on a peice of toast. Then i had ice cream.....

Bad. Bad. Bad

But today is a new day and im starting my first ever fast! Its only going to be a 24 hour one just to prove to myself that i can do it. I had a coffee this morning (no sugar) and i plan on just drinking water and one sf redbull for when i go to the gym. I just cant wait to have the empty feeling of nothing in my stomach. I know its going to feel amazing.

Then tomorrow night im having drinks so all im going to eat is a cup of vegtable soup (10 cal) and maybe a small falafel salad because i do have a ballet class.

Last night whilst looking for thinspo and tips on the internet i came across prettythin.com.
I found it very inspiring and helpful.

Stay strong.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Think thin....


This is my very first post in what i hope to be a blog that will inspire others and keep me going strong. A little bit about me: 16, live in New Zealand and one day i will be thinner.

Today i started my new diet. It doesnt really have any rules. I just do what i want to, mainly avoiding carbs, eating 1 - 2 small meals a day and atleast 30 minutes exercise each day.
This blog is a way for me to keep track and monitior my eating and exercising whilst getting thinner. On here i will write almost everyday about what i ate, my exercise, how im looking and how im feeling. I dont want to get ana or anything. I just hate my body and its wobbly bits. My goal weight is 50 kg.

Day 1

Weight: 55.1 kg
Food intake: 2 chocolate biscuts, a small falafel pita, flat white with 2 sugars
Exercise: 1 hour dance class

If anyone has any tips then please comment!

Stay strong