About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

blah blah blah

Yesterday was alright. Under 600 cal.
Today was horrible. Under 1000 though plus 2 hours of hard cardio.
But im still angry at myself.
I blame my stupid frigen period. It makes me crave food like nothing else can.
Sorry it's a short post. Im just angry at the moment.


Friday, February 26, 2010

nothing gets me down

Got my freaken period day. Argh i feel so gross and bloated.

Anyway last night i had a mango pearl tea and a waffel with 1 scoop of ice cream.
I feel kinda guilty about the waffel but i did do a lot of exercise before hand.
Im so stiff right now. The bodycombat class i did has totaly killed all my muscles and im so sore. It's going to be worse tonight when im working a 10 hour shift. Fml.

This morning i had two coffees, a hot cross bun and a chocolate pecan slice. Already on like 500 cal :(. But i plan on not eating much at work tonight although if i dont eat anything i wont be able to keep going till 2am. But i'll just something small. Im not going to the gym today. Wayyy to much homework to do. Plus i dont think i would be able to move if i did go. But on Monday when i next go, i'll do a bodycombat class and an hour of cardio and weights and a dance class at night. Planning on staying under 300 cal tomorrow.

I shall put up some photos of me i took for me art design assignment next time. They are of me in my friends pointe shoes. I can't wait till i can get my own!

Btw im back down to 116! yayyyy! I will be 110 soon! seeing as im doing like 2 - 3 hours of exercise everyday, it should be easyyy as.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hey soul sister

Okay. I think i'm slowly coming back. This is good. I can do this.
Last night i went out to a Thai restaurant with my family. I had vege spring rolls, Tofu with basil and a hot fudge cake with chocolate sauce. Yeahhhh i know it's bad bad bad but when i was was looking at the meun i thought, 'fuck this. Im going to eat what i want. One last time. A goodbye meal'.

Fast forward to today.
I went to the gym this morning, but i didnt even end up sweating :(. But it's alright cause im going again in an hour. Im gonna do a 15 minute fast run and then a 'bodycombat' (like kickboxing/boxing/aerobics) class. Then tonight me and my friends are going to the lantan festivel in the city. It's so much fun.

Food Intake
5 bites of an apple
2 handfuls of chips
plus whatever i buy for dinner (it will be something asian, from the stalls at the lanatn festivel)
Dr Pepper

Not bad for getting back into the swing of it. Plus 2 hours at the gym!

I feel so bad telling you this but, im 118. Kill me. But i have a good feeling about this time.

Ive been reading everyones blogs, but im sorry i havent commented! Im gonna do that soon :)

I love Gwen. She's thin but not ana thin. But she doesnt have any fat on her body. If i cant get to be uber thin, then i want to have muscles like Gwen.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

everybody take it off

Im back...
With an extra 5 pounds.
The whole "im not blogging again till i get to 110" really didnt work.
The only way i really will be thin is by using this blog.
Ive had an alright day. I had sushi for lunch. But i kinda felt bad after eating it... As i should.
I going out to a thai restaurant for dinner with my family. Honstly thinking about it freaks me out!
I will post more later tonight, gotta go to dance class :)
But im back and here to stay!

Stay strong, Stay Thin.


Friday, February 19, 2010

just an update

OK I'm breaking my promise to myself here...
But i don't care.
Just an update...

I ate for a normal person for a while, actually less but it was horrible. I cryed many times. I didn't want to but my body did, so i let it have what it wanted.
My gym membership ran out :( So Ive done like no exercise the past two weeks. FML. But I'm getting a new one tomorrow.
Starting today i start again.
Wont tell you how much i weigh. Sorry i would rather die than put it up here.
But on march the 1st i WILL be 110. So i have a week.

See you all in a week lovelys.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Get thin or get off

I will not be posting again till I get down to 110 . I'm sick of screwing it up all the time. This is my punishment.

See y'all on the flipside.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Save me

Emotional eating.
Can't stop.

Don't think just do

Fuck it.
Not even gonna lie.
I ate.
Around 400 cal.
I could have stopped but my body didn't want to. Even though my brain did. Werid.
So I'm just moving on.
Fasting completely tomorrow and Friday if I can.
But I have the feeling that I might be forced to eat Friday night so I will if I have to.

New plan:
don't eat anything during the day. Eat dinner. Must be low cal though.
no breakfast. Eat lunch if not working at night. If i'm not working then small luch and small dinner.
This is for next week only.

Otherwise I had a really good day up untill I ate. Booked my license for 24th Feb. So excited! I didn't get even half my homework done tonight, but I'm tired.

I have s busybusybusy day tomorrow so no time to even think about food.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.



Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I think she is amazing. She is so thin. I wish i looked like her.
Sorry about the emo post last night. I was in a werid mood.

Saty Strong, Stay Thin.


True colours

Just thinking...
In my life, what have I achived?
What have I done?
What will I be remembered for?
Being the quite, dancer who has a pretty face but nothing else. Avererage at everything. Big calf muscles. Not fat, but not skinny either. Wants to do so much but never does. Turns into a slut whilst drunk. Can sometimes be insanely werid and out of control. Quite and nice. Friends with everyone, but has a few good friends. A bitch. A gossip. Has no love life. Never has and never will. Went out on a date with a guy who had liked her for ages and she really liked him. He turned her down. Everyone was shocked. She wants to be over it, but she's not.

But what do I want?

I want to be the best. I want to be remembered as the amazing dancer, has an amazing body and a top student. I want to have a louder voice. I want to be love. I want to have someone who wants me and thinks about me. I want to have someone I can turn to when I need them.

Another valentines day will be spent alone. It's almost two years since the first and only time since I've had sex. I knew the guy for like 20 minutes. To be honest, it sucked and wasn't nice at all. I have never kissed anyone whilst not drunk. I have never kissed anyone I liked. The one and only time I told someone I liked them alot and have for ages, he turned me down. I want to have someone.

My life is boring. Dancing, school, homework, gym, work, sleep. I don't have the time or money to do anything else. I wish I was rich.

I have fugly clothes, I can't drive, I can't act, I can't sing, I never have any money.

Things I want out if life:
to be thin
to be loved
to become a rich actress and dancer.

Is that to much to ask?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Fasting to a new me

Going to the gym and feeling my body slowly moan with pain and tiredness makes me so happy!
I live the gym. Gonna become like my second home soon! So excited to start my extreme fitness routine, which starts as soon as I get my license on 10th of march.

So I'm fasting tomorrow and for the first time ever, the day after that as well. So two days of fasting! I'm only allowed black coffee, water and diet soda. I'm so excited. Wish me luck!

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Is someone getting the best of you

So i have stuck to my eatting plan for today.

Mango slices - 160 cal
Small chili bean wrap - 250

But why do i still feel fat? I feel like a bloated whale. And looking in the mirror doesnt help either.

Going to the gym soon. Yay. Need to work off my fat. All of it.

Keira Knightly is my idol. We are watching 'Atonement' in english at the moment. It's an amazing film, but Keiras body is like wow. i bet she never ever eats. I want to have a back like hers. Will post some thinspo of her tomorrow.

Off to go sweat my fat off.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Almost there, but so far away

Fuck. Sometimes I just wish I was old enough to not listen to my parents.
They are making me pushing my driving test back three weeks! Fuck. I was ment to be sitting it next week. I really need it. I'm sure my mum just doesn't want me to get it. Well fine. She can continue being my taxi till I take my test.
It doesn't even sound like a big deal, but to me it really is. I could have gotten it a year and a half ago. But no. My parents have basically refused to give me any lessons. Well thanks.

So I got angry.....
And ate 8 cookies.....
Could have been alot worse.
Thank god I had a dancing lesson. But I still feel fat and bloated.

6 dried mango slices - 160 cal
small chili bean wrap - 200 cal
total: 360

ok I can deal with that. I will be strong. I will not fail. I will be thin.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

Slipping is no longer an allowed

My weekend was.... A disater.
For some reason, whenever I start doing really good, I have to go and fuck it up.
I had just got down to my LW. Fml.
I'm not even gonna start to tell you what I ate. Although I did still eat less than what a 'normal' person would.
Blah. I feel fat.
Didn't weigh myself today. And I won't until Friday. I better have a new low weight.

Exercise and food plan for this week:

Monday -
quater of egg pie
3 Oreos
half a glass trim milk
400 cal
1 and half hour dancing lesson

Tuesday -
3 Oreos
half a glass trim milk
half of dinner, or less if possible
1 hour gym

Wedensday -
1 hour gym

Thursday -
half of dinner
low cal snack?
1 hour gym

Friday -
half of dinner
low cal snack?
1 hour gym

Saturday -
small low cal lunch
1 hour ballet
1 hour gym

Sunday -
small lunch
half of dinner
1 hour gym

If I don't stick to this then no gum or diet soda for the next week. 100 sit ups, lunges and squats every night.

I willstick to this plan.
No failing anymore.
It won't happen.
We can do this.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

School can make me thin

First full day of school today.
I didn't eat anything all day.
After school I had a chocolate milkshake, a strawberry and chocolate muffin and 3 small cookies.
Drank water all day.
I don't feel bad for eating heaps though as I had just fasted for over 48 hours. Amazing.
Plus I had dancing and I kinda needed food to wake me up.
Tomorrow my mum isn't going to work so I'll have to eat a couple if slices of watermelon, pretend that I brought food at school and that I will have dinner at work.
Basically I'm going to fast. I'm so excited!
And I don't start school till 10 am tomorrow. Yay for my first ever study period!
Being a senior is mint. I love it.
Best if all, my year us already starting to get really busy. When it's busy I don't think about food.
I just cane up with a new rule. I can only weight myself every second day.
Gym tomorrow after school! It's my last week at my gym, as I'm moving to a different one, les mills.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

New low weight

New low weight: 113.9!!!!
Yay yay yay!
Gota go to school so I will post more tonight.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I can float, sky high

Haven't eaten anything today.
I've had about 5 coffees, a milk shake and water!
Yaya for control!
Maybe I should do this more often!
I feel like I'm floating....

Today at school, I had 4 people comment on how thin I looked! Well I am 8 pounds lighter than last time they saw me. I just told them 'oh I've just been going to the gym alot and training hard fir my dancing'. They totaly belived it. But I still plan on getting wayyy thinner! I didn't weight myself today. But I will tomorrow. I better be lower than 114.5, otherwise I'm fasting on Friday. I might anyway...

After some thinking today, I have decied not to continue with the ABC diet. I have realised that it just doesn't fit my lifestyle. It would be so much easyier to restrict (at least under 600 everyday) and fast when ever I can. This way I control how much I eat everyday and what days I will be not around my parents so I can fast.

Didn't get any exercise done today :( after school (it only went for half an hour) my friend Jaz came round to mine and we went to the beach and I couldn't blow her off as she was locked out of her house. Then I had work. So I had no time. Tomorrow I have a dancing lesson and i might go to the gum beforehand. I'll see how my day goes. But Friday I'm going to go SO hard out, I'm going to sweat so much!!!!
I'm booking my restricted tomorrow! It means I will be able to drive by myself! When I get it, it will become so much easyier to get to the gym and will have so much more time to spend at the gym. I will even be able to go before school!!! I'm so excited.

So my first full day at school tomorrow as a senior! Gahh I'm so excited!!!!

Hope everyones diets are going amazingly well!

Also, YAY 6 followers! Thank you girls! Just the fact that you follow my blog makes me so happy and want to work so much harder! Together we can do this!

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Monday, February 1, 2010


I binged.
But only about 350 cal.
Thats more than double of what i was meant to have today.
I need to be punished.
From now until 7.30am Thursday in New Zealand, no solids will pass my lips.
Some cal via drinks may, but only for a coffee tonight, tomorrow morning and work tomorrow night.

If i fuck this up...
Fasting Friday and Saturday.
4km runs each day.
100 sit ups each day.
100 squats each day.
100 lunges each day.
No going to the markets on Sunday morning to get me some flowers.

Thats me two years ago. I weighed around 108.
I will be that girl again by the end of Feburay.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


ABC day 3

Weight is still the same :(

Im ment to be staying under 300 cal today, so i had two scrambled eggs for breakfast on toast. I think it's around 300 as i couldnt figure out the exact amount. I wont eat anything else today.
I will go to the gym though. I wanna do a really long, hard workout. I havent been in 3 days! Bad, bad. bad.

Grrrr im so pissed off. Today i was ment to have training for work and then work tonight. Just as i was about to leave, one of my managers called me and said that it's been changed till tomorrow. Usually that would be fine but I START SCHOOL TOMORROW! and i have told them this so many times over the past weeks. This also means that everyone else who was ment to be doing it will be at school as well. Then i asked if work was still on tonight and i got told 'no it's tomorrow, but you arn't rostered on'. Well thanks. Two days ago you told me i was. Honstly my work place is screwing with my bain. I will be there for one more year and then im gone. Im staying to suck as much training out of them as possible, then im gone.
It would be alright it this didnt happen like every week!

But that now means i have time to do stuff today, like:
- finish cleaning/re-arranging my room
- watch a movie
- go to the gym
- strech
- get ready for school tomorrow.

Hopefully my weigt would have droped a little bit by tomorrow. I did really want to be 110. I guess i didn't try hard enough.

Yesterday at my meeting, one of the girls pointed at my arm and said 'OMG Emily, your arms are so thin. Your're so skinny!'

That made my day (even though it's not true)

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.