About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Just say no.

I just can't deal with being fat anymore. Right now I would rather be dead than be fat. Yeah I'm just sanother fucken emotitional teenage girl. I harem my life. The fact that I've been so close to my goal once before and then failed so hard just makes me want to cry.

But I ain't taking this shit anymore. I have 12 days. 12 days to lose 10 pounds. Cool I can totaly do this. I WILL be thin by my school ball.
I can do it.

This means eating no more than 500 cal per day.
1 and a half hours of exercise everyday.
Water water water.
I want to see how little amount of food I can live on. Girls I'm not bullshitting you this time. I can fully do this.

To all those out there that post what they eat eveyday no matter what, you are my idols.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Gosh I've been really bad at blogging lately. I've been doing ok. Lifes just to busy and hrtic and it's kinda driving me insane. I'm super stressed and when I'm stressed I eat :( although I've been alright lately. Could be a hell of alot better though. Starting tomorrow 1 meal per day.

Shall post a more detailed blog later.
Love you all.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I'm drowning in life. It's eating me up and I can't take it anymore. I need a break. I need to get out.

But on the up note, I've lost weight. Around 3kgs.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I want to lie to you all so much, but I can't do it.
I came home from dancing and ate ice cream, pasta and cookies.
ARGH. Fucken hell. Words cannot describe how angry I am. I want to grab a knife and cut off all my flab and be thin.

Tomorrow I don't eat. If I do it will be rice wafers (38 cal) and soup (between 50-170 cal).

I'm done being fat. That part of my life is over. The new me. It starts now.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Day 1

Yesterday was one of the biggest fail of my life.
So 'operation thin' started today.

I've had:
1 trim mocha
1 chocolate brownie
1 sandwhich with tomato and low fat cheese

Got 2 hours of dancing tonight :) I need it.
I'm fat fat fat.

I have 21 days to drop atleast 12 pounds
I have 24 days till my school ball (prom)
I have 30 days till my dancing nationals

will weigh myself later tonight.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Monday, June 7, 2010

Operation thin

125 pounds of fat. I just keep getting bigger and bigger. I nearly cried when I steped on my scales. I had just lost 4 pounds yet I have put it back on plus more. Such a failure.

Starting tomorrow (Tuesday) and going until sunday is 'operation thin'.
- weigh myself
- 2 hours of exercise
- less than 500 cal
- atleast 1.5L water
- as little amount of carbs as poss
- atleast 7 hours sleep

I'll see how much I lose by sunday and then mabey fix it if it's not working. By July I will be 108.

Goodbye fat.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Fat. Fat. Fat.

Today I was hungover. So I ate and I ate. In fact I had a fat day.
Then I watched sex and the city 2. Oh my god. SJP is so thin, I had never realised. It made me think about everything I ate today, which made me feel sick. I will not weigh myself tomorrow. I'm going to be fat :(

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Let's get wasted, it's all we ever do

I am too drunk.
I have eaten too much.

But weight was 119 today! Yayyyyyyy
going downnnnnnnn

I just ate some bread to sober me up. Ewwww carbs. Fuck. I wannna stay drunk forever. Always floating, buzzing, seeing stars. It's a magical land.

I love you all.

Tonight I did nit make much of a fool of myself :) no sluty. Random hook ups :)

I'm uber tired so I'm gonna bounce. I shall write a full yet slightly hungover blog tomorrow :)


Friday, June 4, 2010

Losing, slowly :)

I've lost 2 pounds :) so I'm currently 121!

Intake today:
trim mocha
one small semi healthy meal from wagamamas
half a slice of chocolate cake

running for my ferry
running for my train
running again for my ferry
I had planned to do an hour of dancing and an hour at the gym so i set my alarm for 7. I woke up at 9. Ran out the door to met my friend at the gym at 9.20. My car wouldn't start. Not a good start to the day. Then we almost missed both our ferrys and one of our trains. Then when we were out shopping I got my period and insanely bad cramps. I was like shaking and sweating and in so much pain. It was so horrible. But I brought my ball dress today!!!!! It's long, red and one shoulder. Apparently it makes me look real thin :) I love it so much and it was exactly what I was looking for. I shall post some pictures of it soon!

My ex S text me today. We are both dancers but we live in different towns. There is a competition this weekend in another town and we were both going to go.
He text he today saying 'are you going to the comp tomorrow?'.
I said ' nah cause my mum and dancing teacher won't drive me down'
he replied ' :( I was only going cause you were! And now you arn't.'
I was like woah! Last time I saw you, you hardley even spoke to me!
I text back saying 'aww sorry. I did really want to go! I'll see you at champs though?'
he repiled 'oh ok. Yea sure haha'
end of convosation. Boys! Who needs them?!

Tomorrow I'll do mabe an hour or two at the gym, plus an hour or more of dancing. Eating wise, only with family and only healthy. But not to much!
I have a friends 18th tomorrow night. It's a party at hers. I'm just gonna ignore the caliories from the drinks. I need to get wasted.

Hope you all had an amazing day!

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Thursday, June 3, 2010

3 great reasons not to eat :)

Intake today:
4 rice wafers - 152
small brownie - 150
tomato - 20
cheese - 50

total: 372

1 hour dancing
1 hour pilaties

Yep today was good. Almost. I went to the dentist... Farr outttt. I hate it so insanely much. I was crying the whole time and one of the nurses had to hold my hand. I'm 17! But I swear they fucked up one of my teeth. It hurts so bad and feels real werid. All I got was 2 fillings, aparentley cause I eat to much sugar. Cool another reason to cut out almost all sugars.

I do highland dancing and last night I got my new kilt YAY. Altogether it costs $1000nzd. But I've put on 5kg (12 pounds?) since I got it measured, so it fits, but not as good as it could. So my dancing teacher told me to lose those 5kgs asap and to cut out all junk food and bad sugars out of my diet! Yuss now I have an excise to not eat!

Short post, sorry but I'm real tired and my tooth is killing me (another reason not to eat. Yuss)

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I just want to be thin

So I came home from school today and had
ice cream - 200 cal
half a fafael wrap ( I so wanted the other half) - 150
coke zero - 2 cal

woah fail much? Haven't done any exercise yet. I'm going out with my mum soon so I'll do maybe a little bit if dancing practice and some sit ups and stuff.

Today I booked my hair and make up for my school ball :) it's at this real fancy amazing place. But I'm annoyed cause one if my friends went and booked it there as well. She only did it cause I told her I was. She's gonna complain about how much it was later cause she always spends her money in food and always complains about how she has no money and how she sucks at saving. Oh and she is the least classy person I know. She totaly won't fit in. Hahah I'm such a bad friend. But god she's annoying.

Tomorrow it's 30 days till my ball. 30 days to drop 23 pounds. So I'm gonna have a plan. I'll post it up later.

I feel fat :( so so fat.
So I just ate a bowl of cherrios. 160 cal. Damn. So I'm nit eating anything else today. Although if i am forced to eat dinner I'll have a cup of tomato soup - 70 cal.

Anyway.... This kills me. I just weighed myself.

123 pounds.

I ate a bit to much today. I will weigh myself tomorrow. Scary thought. I'm way to fat and I hate it.

Intake today:
ice cream - 290
pasta - 300
cherrios - 160
3 cookies - 150

no exercise. Fuck. I'm still sick.