About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Monday, January 31, 2011


So I'm back at the footcourt again. The one with the free Internet :)

I brought myself a plate of noodles and a diet coke. I ate about 5 mouthfuls of the noodles. I will not eat anymore. No way. But I'm proud if myself cause I ate less than half the plate. Contemplating throwing it up but I'm always terrifed of getting caught throwing up in public places. Did I say that I started purging again? Well I have. I don't like it and I don't want to do it but it's better than being fat right? I've only done it twice in the last five days so as long as I don't fall back into the whole binging/purging routine it's all good.

Exercise wise - I feel like I've been doing alot better. I've being going to the gym almost everyday and dance class every second day. I defently feel like I've lost a little round my stomach but I've still got muffins/love handles. They. Must. Be. Removed. ASAP.

I went and saw Black Swan the other night! Holy mother fucker. Natalie Portmans body!!!! Damn I want it. I will get it. I'm trying to limit carbs although it's friggen hard cause everything I eat tends to be carbs. That can be stopped though :) but she does look amazing. Also being a dancer myself it would be the perfect body for me. I plan on going back to see it as many times as I possibly can. It really is that amazing.

Update on the boy :) - he was outta town this weekend. But I'm gonna try and see him tomorrow after work as he's away this coming weiend as well. I haven't seen him in just over two weeks. Arghh it's killing me! We've been txting, kinda. And he usually txts me first which must mean he's still interested in me right? I really hope so.

So that's all. Nothing new really. Nothing exciting. I'll gym tonight and weigh myself tomorrow morning.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

Fucken boys

I'm actually gaining some control back.
Thin for the win :)

idk I just don't feel like eating anymore. But I'm not sure if it's because of the fact that I'm fat or that I have sunk into this depressive mood because of the boy. I haven't seen him since last week because he has been sick and he's not the greatest at replying to my txts. I'm feeling rather unloved and I can't help thunk what I've done wrong. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't want to lose him. Fml I'm falling for him way to hard. I will see him this weekend. It will happen. If I don't and he doesn't give me a reason for not wanting to hang out I'm giving up on him. And realtionship in general. I will throw myself back into losing weight. Like I was this time last year cause I've kinda tryed to eat more for my friends but that might just change after this weekend. Oh if he only knew what ge was doing to me.
I hooked with a random the other night. Just to see what I felt. I felt so horrible like I wanted to kill myself. Not really but I felt so bad. Hooking up with randoms has never given me that feeling. Plus he was a super bad kisser.

Love fucken sucks. I hate it and yet I want it so much.

Anyway I'm off to the gym :)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am currently sitting in a food court by my work that has free wifi. Why did I only just find this??????
I got a subway veggie delight 6inch and a bowl of hot chips. They fucked up my subway so I only ate half and then I was on rumble which made me not want to eat my chips, so I only ate half. Yay. Plus I had a non fat coffee from sb this morning so i've had enough for the day :) but I didn't gym this morning so I feel gross and it's that time of the month which just makes it worse. TMI sorry! Hehe.

I am super excited about going out tonight! And hopefully seeing the boy :) but I'm looking like a cow and my face has broken out so bad :(( im not planning in getting too wastey tonight, just 2 or 3 drinks and I'll be fine.

Hope all is well for y'all. Gota go back to work :( kill me.

I shall be back tomorrow lunch to post more!


Willpower, please come back?

I need to stop eating. Right now. I need to stop now. Everyday I start off fine, then I say I'm only going to have lunch. But I get home and I think to myself 'if I eat I'll go to the gym'. So I let myself eat. Then I just sit infronr of the tv all night.

But I'm stopping that right this very second.

Working full time is really screwing with me. I sit down at a computer all day and yet I'm so tired. It's horrible. So I went and brought some caffine pills and energy pills yesterday. The energy ones only have 5 cal :) I'm going to try and live off a diet of salads, subway, diet coke, water and energy pills. It will work

I'm going out clubbing tomorrow night even though I have work the next morning. But that's what energy pills are for right? Hehe. And I might, I really hope I do, meet up with the boy. I really like him and even though he doesn't deserve someone like me (vain, fucked in the head, fat, possisive) I really hope something more will come from tomorrow night :)

I didn't exercise today so I'm feeling super flubby :( I wasgoing to gym in the morning, but I'm so super tired I just can't. Fml. Where has my willpower gone???

Monday, January 17, 2011

Someone help me?

Meeting up with the guy I like tomorrownight. Only problem? I'm looking super frumpy and fat these days.

I had a falafal salad, bowl of pasta and a chocolate brownie today.

I fell down a flight of stairs today as well. Damanged my ankle even more which means no gym. Fml.

Can someone please stop me hurting myself and stop me eating???

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I met a boy. He is simply wonderful. I've only known him just under 2 weeks but I feel like I'm falling in love. It's amazing.

I will not being weighing myself till Friday. Last week was just one big binge and I can see it on my body. It's gross. This week is salad or nothing. Except if I meet up with my boy. I would eat for him.
I'm going back to the gym and dance this week, I need to get some exercise done.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Let me tell you a story...

I just haven't been blogging at all. I wish I could have, but I just didn't feel like it. Nothing interesting has been happening in my life. I haven't been restricting or exercising that much. 

It's changing now. For the next two weeks, 500 cal per day. Atleast 10 hours of exercise per week. One of my New Years resolutions was to blog more, to keep track of my life. 

I currently weigh 53 kg which is 116. By the first of Feburay I will be 110 (50kg). I can easily lose 6 pounds in 23 days. 

Anyway update on my life:
- I just turned 18 :) on New Years day in fact. In New Zealand this means I can go out drinking, clubbing. It's amazing. I feel like I can finally live my life without my parents telling me what to do. I love it. Independence is the best. 
- I got a mint as job. I get paid as much as my mum :) it's just doing basic database stuff but that's all good. I work there 4 days a week and then I work Friday and Saturday nights as a supervisor at a movie theatre. As you can tell I am very much a workaholic. My database contract is only for 6 months, but I'll most probley get another contract after that had finished. 
- My love life is basically dead as per usual. But I did meet a guy in town on Wednesday night :) his name is Justin and he is supercute :D I hooked up with him at the club and then gave him my number. I didn't expect him to text me but he did that night and yesterday :) he is totally the perfect guy I would want. I really hope we meet up again sometime. Shall update later!
I could really do with some loving in my life. Hope you all are well. Damn I really miss blogging.