I know i haven't blogged in way too long. I was away and then my Internet connection wasn't working. Grrrr. Plus i just wasn't in a good frame of mind to blog.
Today is day 1 of 'operation get Emily thin'. Ive got a deadline now, i have my school ball in 12 weeks, so that's plenty of time to get me looking rail thin. Today i am fasting. I'm at home for most of the day so its kinda easy not to eat. But i have work tonight and its always hard to not eat when at work. Everyone stuffs their faces on left over food and trys to make sure that everyone is eating. Its so gross. Then tomorrow i have work almost all day and night, with like a 3 hour break. But i WILL NOT eat at work tomorrow. I'm sick of failing. I'm gonna break the cycle. I don't want to be fat, lumpy and jiggly anymore. It ends now.
My friend A text me the other day and was like 'I'm fat i hate my body etc. Will you help me get thin?' i was like sure although she doesn't know the extremes that i go to to get thin. And I'm not gonna tell her everything i do either, it would freak her out. So think we are gonna have a kind of competition to see who can get the skinniest by the ball. Yay. More incentives not to quit! It should be easy as I'm already thinner than her, i know how to lose weight and i exercise wayyy more than her.
I'm on my school holidays right now and if i had my way i would be at the gym every minute of the day that I'm not at work, but my dancing teacher has banned me from all dancing and exercise for the whole week to help heal my foot. I hate being injured. Usually i wouldn't listen but seeing as we are going to really push me starting next week so that i can win nationals, i think my foot needs a break. But starting Monday, i am spending all my time at the gym and my dancing studio.
When i was away i went to Hastings (a town in NZ) for the dancing competition. It was really big and most people that will be at Nationals were there. I did alright, not as good as i hoped though because my foot just couldn't handle all the dancing. But i did get to see my ex S. It was really good to see him but his dancing teacher had told him to stay away from me because I'm a distraction. But now i kinda wish i hadn't seen him. We got together about a year ago and broke up after a moth because the long distance thing was just to hard for us. So yeah i really do still like him. Now i cant stop thinking about him and its driving me insane. But I'm not sure what he feels about me, whether he still like likes me or just likes me as a friend or doesn't even like me anymore :( I'm really bad with boys and I'm to chicken to just ask him straight up what he feels. I just wished he lived in my town. Life would be almost perfect then. But at the moment its far from it...
I weighed myself this morning....
Well it could be worse, but then again it has been better. But I'm back and I'm getting rid of it all for good this time.
Btw I saw The Last Song last night... Holly frick. I haven't cryed that much in so long. Its actually so sad. Plus miley is some a good dose of thinspo. If you haven't seen it, definitely go check it out.
Stay Strong, Stay Thin.