About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Monday, October 3, 2011

I'm just another failure at life.

Serisouly though. I am.
I have nothing going for me. I'm so bored with life, but I just don't know what to do.

I'm sick and tired of being constantly injured, embrassing myself on a daily basis, of always being alone, of being fat, of not having any money so I have to steal it from work, of constantly fighting with my parents and my sister, of having $4000 credit card debit, of not having achieved a single one of my goals this year, of having nothing I'm good at.

I just want to escape and get away from it all.
I'm going to NYC in December. All flight are payed for but that's it. And I'm so poor. I can barley afford basic living let alone actually saving. Fuck I don't even have a passport yet. Atleast that will be a month of not eating :/

I just want to have an actual plan and some direction in my life. I just want to perform. But I don't know if I'm ready to give up on my highland dancing yet. I've worked so hard for so many years and I'm still not ranked. I'm still not part if the elite group.

Fuck, I don't know what I'm doing with life. My plans are changing almost every day.
My full time job finishes this Friday. I'm super fucked if I can't find another one.


I just want all this to stop. I need that light at the end of the tunnel but I just can't see it.

1 comment:

  1. :( i'm sorry. I hate the feeling of despair. and it's hard for me to say "everything is going to be alright" because if someone said that to me, I would tell them to shut it.

    Sometimes you just have to keep fighting, and keep striving for a positive attitude. I truly thing that it resonates back to you.