Yesterday was abit of a flop. Not a really one but still a flop. I ate around 300 more calories than I had planned to. I blame cookie dough ice cream. It's so deliciously evil.

But even though I ate over my calories I had a massive surprise when I weighed myself this morning:

113 (51.4kg)

WHAT????!!!!
I had to weigh myself another ten times to make sure it wasn't lying. It wasn't.
It's werid though, last time i was this light my arms were tiny, I was eating almost nothing and I was so headed all the time. Hmmmm. Odd. I am exercising alot more now though. Last night I did notice how flat my stomach had gotten again. It's starting to look good, can't say the same about my thighs and my butt. Oh well, looks like I've still got a long way to go.

Food for today:
Breakfast: trim mocha
Lunch: salad
Dinner: rice wafer with low fat veggie cheese and tomato.
I have a feeling that I've brought enough coffees to get a free muffin. I might eat it. I know muffins are just packed with calories but I do have dance tonight and I went to the gym this morning.

I'm on my way to work at the moment. I missed 5 different ferries this morning. So not a good start to the day.

Love you all, stay skinny!

Fat fuckers

Okay so fuck this shit.
I just wanna chop off all this fat.
I've tried being healthly. Eating no more than 1200 but no less than 600 calories.
But it ain't working.
I just had a little break down in front of my mirror.
I am fat.
My thighs are huge.
I have muffins on my hips.
I've lost my collar bones.
I just can't deal with this anymore.
I've tried to ignore the voices in my head but I can't resist them any longer.
Which is why I'm back here. Blogging. I've been on tumblr, but it's just not the same.

So I'm cutting down to around 300-400 cal per day with at least an hour of exercise. But I'm doing around 2 hours 5 days a week now.
I need to be thin. I would be so happy with 110 pounds (50kg). I would be the happiest girl on earth.

So tomorrow:
Trim mocha for breakfast - 140 cal
Couscous salad for lunch - 200
Rice wafer with cheese and tomato for dinner - 80

Plus I'm doing a kick boxing class before work and 1 and a half hour dance class after work.

Although today I brought 2 pairs of lee rider jeans. Both are a size 6 and fit perfectly. Size 6 (xs) is the smallest size they make. Which is odd. Because I'm back up at 124 pounds and yet I'm wearing xs?

Weird. Anyway I'm looking forward to catching up on all your blogs!

Once again, I'm back

I just can't stop fucking up. I can't help it. Everyday I look in the mirror and want to cry and tear all the fat off my body. How the fuck did I let myself get to this point. 

Everything starts new now. Once again, I'm back to the weight I was when I started this blog. What a complete failure I am. 

Btw I've kinda ditched blogger for tumblr. I like the pretty pictures :) I'll post my URL sometime. Leave yours and I'll be happy to follow. 

Update

So I'm back at the footcourt again. The one with the free Internet :)

I brought myself a plate of noodles and a diet coke. I ate about 5 mouthfuls of the noodles. I will not eat anymore. No way. But I'm proud if myself cause I ate less than half the plate. Contemplating throwing it up but I'm always terrifed of getting caught throwing up in public places. Did I say that I started purging again? Well I have. I don't like it and I don't want to do it but it's better than being fat right? I've only done it twice in the last five days so as long as I don't fall back into the whole binging/purging routine it's all good.

Exercise wise - I feel like I've been doing alot better. I've being going to the gym almost everyday and dance class every second day. I defently feel like I've lost a little round my stomach but I've still got muffins/love handles. They. Must. Be. Removed. ASAP.

I went and saw Black Swan the other night! Holy mother fucker. Natalie Portmans body!!!! Damn I want it. I will get it. I'm trying to limit carbs although it's friggen hard cause everything I eat tends to be carbs. That can be stopped though :) but she does look amazing. Also being a dancer myself it would be the perfect body for me. I plan on going back to see it as many times as I possibly can. It really is that amazing.

Update on the boy :) - he was outta town this weekend. But I'm gonna try and see him tomorrow after work as he's away this coming weiend as well. I haven't seen him in just over two weeks. Arghh it's killing me! We've been txting, kinda. And he usually txts me first which must mean he's still interested in me right? I really hope so.

So that's all. Nothing new really. Nothing exciting. I'll gym tonight and weigh myself tomorrow morning.

Emily.
xx

Fucken boys

I'm actually gaining some control back.
Thin for the win :)

idk I just don't feel like eating anymore. But I'm not sure if it's because of the fact that I'm fat or that I have sunk into this depressive mood because of the boy. I haven't seen him since last week because he has been sick and he's not the greatest at replying to my txts. I'm feeling rather unloved and I can't help thunk what I've done wrong. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't want to lose him. Fml I'm falling for him way to hard. I will see him this weekend. It will happen. If I don't and he doesn't give me a reason for not wanting to hang out I'm giving up on him. And realtionship in general. I will throw myself back into losing weight. Like I was this time last year cause I've kinda tryed to eat more for my friends but that might just change after this weekend. Oh if he only knew what ge was doing to me.
I hooked with a random the other night. Just to see what I felt. I felt so horrible like I wanted to kill myself. Not really but I felt so bad. Hooking up with randoms has never given me that feeling. Plus he was a super bad kisser.

Love fucken sucks. I hate it and yet I want it so much.

Anyway I'm off to the gym :)
xx

I am currently sitting in a food court by my work that has free wifi. Why did I only just find this??????
I got a subway veggie delight 6inch and a bowl of hot chips. They fucked up my subway so I only ate half and then I was on rumble which made me not want to eat my chips, so I only ate half. Yay. Plus I had a non fat coffee from sb this morning so i've had enough for the day :) but I didn't gym this morning so I feel gross and it's that time of the month which just makes it worse. TMI sorry! Hehe.

I am super excited about going out tonight! And hopefully seeing the boy :) but I'm looking like a cow and my face has broken out so bad :(( im not planning in getting too wastey tonight, just 2 or 3 drinks and I'll be fine.

Hope all is well for y'all. Gota go back to work :( kill me.

I shall be back tomorrow lunch to post more!

Emily.
xx

Willpower, please come back?

I need to stop eating. Right now. I need to stop now. Everyday I start off fine, then I say I'm only going to have lunch. But I get home and I think to myself 'if I eat I'll go to the gym'. So I let myself eat. Then I just sit infronr of the tv all night.

But I'm stopping that right this very second.

Working full time is really screwing with me. I sit down at a computer all day and yet I'm so tired. It's horrible. So I went and brought some caffine pills and energy pills yesterday. The energy ones only have 5 cal :) I'm going to try and live off a diet of salads, subway, diet coke, water and energy pills. It will work

I'm going out clubbing tomorrow night even though I have work the next morning. But that's what energy pills are for right? Hehe. And I might, I really hope I do, meet up with the boy. I really like him and even though he doesn't deserve someone like me (vain, fucked in the head, fat, possisive) I really hope something more will come from tomorrow night :)

I didn't exercise today so I'm feeling super flubby :( I wasgoing to gym in the morning, but I'm so super tired I just can't. Fml. Where has my willpower gone???