About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Yesterday was a bit of a flop to be honest. I ate half a bowl of noodles before work and then had a vegie buger when I got home. I didn't do any exercise either. I needed a days rest as I pulled a calf muscle on Monday and I have a dancing competition next weekend so I didn't want to injure myself any futhur. 

Today's been alright. I noticed today that I'm starting to get back into my old mindframe of hating all food. I didn't eat anything till I got home from school. I had around 8 rice crakers with BBQ flavour on it and 6 water crakers with a tiny slice of cheese on each and I'm full. And I feel fat. Urgh. I don't I've time for exercise tonight as I've got I've got work and then school work to do when I get home at 11pm. I wish so badly that school was over and all I had to do was exercise and work. 

Tomorrow morning I'm going to pilaties and after school I've got an hour dance class. So exercise wise, I'll be fine for tomorrow. 

Life at the moment is just lonely. I dunno, I just feel really lonely. 3 of my friends in my group just got new boyfriends so all the attention goes to me. The 'pretty popular' one who never ever has a boy. Questions are getting asked. People keep nagging me, including my mum, about why I don't have a boyfriend. 

My answer: 1) it's not any of your fucken busness so stay the fuck out
2) yes I would love to have a realtionship. If course I would. I've wanted one for such a long time but I always get rejected. 
3) no I don't want your help in setting me up with the next random guy that walks into the room. Belive it or not but I actully have standards. I'm not fussy but I guy who is decent and nice (haha good luck finding that)
4) i have always got rejected. Guys just don't like me. I'm to fat for them. I can actully think on my own. Being rejected actully can mess with your confidence. No one would belive me on that. 

I'm just alone. I've always been alone. I always will be. 

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