About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sick sick mind

Today was the one of the best I've had in a while. My friend just got back from the Amazon and she brought my group these jafa cakes (chocolate on outside, biscut then caramal in middle) so I had to eat it. It was rather small so I'm guessing around 200 cal? 
I'm doing no junk food with my bestie so we decided we could start after the jafa cake. 

I went to the gym thus morning. Burned around 400 cal. Then I had an hour dance class this evening (-300?) so I don't feel too guilty about the cake. After school I has three rice crackers with cheese and tomato = 150 cal. So overall not a bad day. 
Today was the first day of my last ever term at school. Thank fucking god. There's some people at my school that I never ever want to see again or just give them a slap in the face and tell them to wake up. Grrrr 6 weeks and I'm done. 6 weeks till I can have a life again. 6 weeks till I want to weigh 50kgs. That's around a kg a week. I'll be able to do it. I will do it. I think I'll be happy with that number. By the end of these 6 weeks I hope to have saved up enough for my flights to NYC in march. Anyone know of any good hostels/hotels in NYC? 

I'm talking to my bestie now. Her mum is being a total bitch. For the last few months she's been telling my bestie how fat she is, how much weight she needs to lose, rubbing in how much weight she's lost etc. My bestie isn't fat. Even with my distorted view on body image, I know she is just above a normal weight. My sister is fatter than her. Hahah I nearly made her cry today cause I called her a fat cow. Man I'm a bitch. I can't help it, there's 3 things I hate in life - slow drivers, young children and fat people. I'm so horrible sometimes, but I can't help it. Anyway back to my bestie, she really wants to lose weight and prove her mum wrong. My sick mind wants to pull her into this so I can have a real life buddy, someone to compete with. I know that's complety wrong as I honstly wouldn't wish this hell on anyone. I can't help thinking about it though, even though I know it's wrong. I only want to do it for my own personal gain. 

I'll gym tomorrow morning but maybe just weights as I pulled a muscle this morning. I have work straight after school so I might try and go home during my study to do some dance practice. I'll see how busy I get. Plus I don't want to injure myself anymore as I have a dance compition next weekend. 

Hope you all had skinny days. :)

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


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