About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fast yesterday went well. I didnt eat a single thing :) I only lost one fucken pound though!

Fast start weight: 122
Fast end weight: 121

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am angry. At everything. At everyone and i dont know why.
Ha jokes, i lie. I am angry because i am fat. My jiggly thighs are the reson why i hate it when someone does something out of order or makes a mess. Humans are so fucking retarded.

I need to get that out.

Today my friend made me eat a bowl of nachos with her. Atleast i only had half. Actully less because she ate most of it. Then i just got home and... well...

Emily i told you not to eat those fucken cookies. Feel that? thats right. Those cookies didnt fill that empty hole as you had hoped it would. All you did was make your thighs jiggle even more. You wont even be able to fit into a bikni soon. You will be far too fat to even go outside. Failure. Failure. Failure.

It was about 6 cookies by the way. gfuyfr76orttg7t5dueff. grrr

My friend A put on a pair of shorts today and said "look these arent tight on me anymore! I know i still have bludge here (points to love handles) but two weeks these were soooo tight. Ive lost weight! I suppose that what i get for not eating for two weeks. hahahaha. Its really bad, but oh well it works. I need to lose so much weight!"

I wanted to hit her. So badly. Stupid girl.

Insted I said "hmmm that is really bad. Its not good for you"

I didnt know what else to say. I know what i wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that she needs to stop starving herself as its so bad for you and the pain i wake up with everymorning, well i wouldnt wish this on anyone. I cant look at myself without hating myself. The reason i dont like getting personal with other people, why i dont like them hugging/touching me is because i hate the feel of my body. Soft and lumpy. I swear at the moment im almost crying everyday because i cant take much more. I just want to starve but people push and push and push for me to eat.

I wanted to tell her that this isnt a joke and it isnt fun. At all.

I'll gym tomorrow morning and thrn have a dance class at night. I dont really plan on eating much. I dont see the point anymore.

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