I am never eating again in my life.
I can just feel my life crashing down around me. I'm in my final year doing my final exams but I honstly don't give a shit about them. I can't bring my self to study. All I do is sit on tumblr looking up thinspo and Harry Potter stuff. It's like I don't even care about my school marks anymore. Which is true. I don't anymore. I can't wait to be finally finished school. I can get away from all the stupid and annoying people at school and finally start living my own life, how I want to do it. I'm gonna work my butt off and get super rich and super thin. I'm getting a tattoo in celebration of finishing school, next week Friday. I'm so damn excited I can't wait.
Saturday night was horrible. I had work which was the only good thing about my night. After work I went to my bff house and her brother, his gf and another friend were there and they were super drunk. Like off their faces. So of course I sculled as much wine as I could in about ten minutes to catch up with them. Bad idea. My bff had a massive chat with me about how I accidently told her I was bulimic when I was drunk once. She then told me another friend had seen all my thinspo photos and thinspo quotes on my iPod. This is why I don't let people go through my iPod!!! I don't know how she managed to get hold of it for long enough to see everything. Anyway my
Bff had a massive vomiting session and went to bed. So then her brother gf and myself had a massive d&m (deep&meaningful). She kept telling me how talented and wonderful and beautiful I am and how it kills her when I say I hate myself and that I'm fat. What the fuck don't you people get?? I am fat and I seem to be fucken useless at everything I do. My bff just texted me saying 'hey hun how you feeling? Gd luck for ur exam tomorrow. We need to have a chat sometime soon about you know what. Love you'
Well guess what? We are never ever going to have the chat where I admit to having a problem. It's never gonna happen. I need it too much. I'm lost without it. I would rather kill myself than have to talk about it.
I had so much it say, but I just can't write any of it down. I just seem to block out all my feelings and nit let anyone in. It's the only way I can deal.
I'm liquid fasting. I've eaten farr to much the past two days. I'm not even going to weigh myself. I will liquid fast till Thursday morning.
I plan on sitting in starbucks for 4 hours and studying for my drama exam tomorrow morning. My exam starts at 2pm.
I love you all. Reading your blogs gives me so much hope and happiness. I would be dead without you girlys.