About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Freak freak gotta get thin

I should be doing my drama journal work which is due in 10 hours and in that time I have to sleep, shower and go to two classes. But I want to blog.

Intake for today:
1 rasberry muffin
1 tomato
2 rice cakes

Under 600 cal. Getting better. I remember when I used to do under 300 everyday. It was so easy....

But I must from now on! I'm no longer modling for my friends show as her boss wants more mature looking people, like over 25. Whatevs. But I do highland dancing and in two weeks I have a really big compition and I just found out my ex will be there. I want to see him so badly, but at the same time I don't. We live 6 hours away so I broke it off cause I hated the long distance. I've just been reading through the emails we sent each other and it makes me so happy, even though it was a year ago. It's proof someone did actully want and love me once. I'm a firery ball of emotion at the moment. I can't seem to write down what I'm feeling.
But I do know this, I must be thinner. No if's or but's. I will look amazing. I don't want to be like ew WTF was I thinking! I want him to be like I miss her so much, she looks amazing etc. God I'm starting to freak out. Okay moving on before I explode...

My life is insanely busy. I don't have a social life anymore or any free time with school work, work, school show practice, dance training and stage challenge. I had several minor breakdowns today. I need a fricken holiday. That's why I'm writtingthis at 1am when I'm ment to be doing my homework. But I can't be bothered with it anymore. I cannot wait till I finish school. 8 months to go. Some of my teachers a physcos. Today my history teacher locked me out of class because I was 2 minutes late! I stood there for like 5 minutes until I thought, fuck this I hate history anyway I'm going. So I hoped in my car and drove down to the beach and then to go get food, but I didn't get any! Insted I brought gum and diet coke. Love it. So tempted to go to KFC though. But I didn't :)

I'm so tired, almost falling asleep. But I'm still going to up for another 3 hours atleast. This is what happens when I leave 7 weeks of work to the last night. As usual. No gym for me tomorrow, I would fall off the treadmill. I've already done it twice (almost).

Thank you all so much for your comments! I love reading your support. Sorry I'm not replying or commenting on your blogs. I fully just have no time today.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


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