About Me

New Zealand
I used to be thin. I used to like my body. Not anymore. Emily. 18. I live to dance. Currently in New Zealand but planning on getting out shortly. Come join me on my journey to perfection. CW: 116 HW: 124 LW: 108 GW 1: 110 GW 2: 105 GW 3: 100 UGW: 95... for now.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Somewhere weakness is our strength

There is a reason for me not blogging all weekend. I felt i needed time to figure my life out. I wanted to get away from everything and just have a clear mind. It worked, i think. I figured out what i really need and want out of my life.

1. I need to be thin
Yeah i know everyone says this. But i really want it, I cant stand looking myself in the mirror. My thighs alone make me want to smash my mirror. But i have been trying hard enough, I've hardly been trying at all. From now on i will not 'try', i will 'do'.

2. I need to save more money
So no more buying food!!!!! Honestly, i need so much money this year. $2500+ for my dancing, $4000+ for my NYC trip, $400 singing, ball, petrol, shopping, gym memberships.

3.I need to work harder for my future
I want to study at Tisch school of the arts (at NYU) or the American Academy of performing arts (also in NYC). Being an international student means it would be so much harder to get in. So at school this year i must get amazing grades and start making an amazing CV. This includes winning my national dancing champs, which i know if i work hard enough i can do.

So that's all i really though about. But i had a bad weekend with food. I fasted on Friday which was good. But then Saturday and Sunday i ate 'normally'. I don't know why. It felt horrible. But it was weird as i was feeling dizzy, tired and light headed all weekend. But isn't that meant to happen when i don't eat?
So i ended up putting on allot of weight. 116. I almost cried when i stepped on the scales this morning. I put on THREE pounds! I still cant believe it.

So today i will eat under 300 cal.
Tuesday fast.
Wednesday eat under 300 cal.
Thursday fast.
Friday eat under 300 cal.
Saturday eat under 600 cal.
Sunday eat under 600 cal.
Monday eat under 400 cal.
Tuesday fast.
Wednesday = SCHOOL!!! eat under 300.

Every morning i will wake up and weight myself and i will post it here everyday, along with what i will eat that day. I'm making dinner in my house till i go back to school so it will be easy to control what i eat.

On Saturday me mum asked me 'whats the ABC diet?'. I was like holly shit! where did she get that from. I said 'i dunno, i think i read about in a book once' and we moved on to talking about my friend who is doing a no carb diet. But that really freaked me out. I thought she had been reading my blog! But she keeps going on about how when she was my age, she was thinner than i am, that i have stretch marks on my thighs and if ever do put on weight, she will be the first person to tell me. although if I'm not eating, she will try and force me to eat. Like come on, do you want me to be thin or fat????

Soon I'm going to have to give up fasting and will have to eat more than 300 cal :(
It's because i will be doing 3 hours of exercise a day, school full time, work almost everyday and school work. but i still plan on eating under 1000 cal. It will go like this:
Breakfast protein shake - 110 cal
Lunch soup - 80ish cal or two pieces of bread -100 cal or under 150 cal of veg
Dinner max of 400 cal
snack apple 80 cal
Drinking only water and diet soda if possible.

Will post again tonight.

Stay Strong, Stay Thin.


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